I've had enough

I've had it.

I'm a wreck. I haven't really slept in days, and I'm constantly shaking.

There is nobody here to help Rory but me, and I can't do it. I stayed home from work today because I've worried myself sick, and I hate to leave Rory on his own. He had another bad spasm yesterday evening and then some minor ones in the middle of the night.

So this morning he started vomiting. I had just stepped in the shower, and then he ran in and starting throwing up....and gasping for breath...and throwing up...and making that screeching sound he does when he has a spasm attack. I ran out of the shower and called the ambulance, because they had told us to if he was having an acute spasm.

Rory immediately got angry with me. I tried to call the ambulance off, but they were already on their way. By the time the paramedics got to the house, he was laying in bed, and they checked him out and left. They just told him to drink more water and take more paracetemol.

I don't want to be in charge anymore. Everything I try to do is wrong. Rory makes it clear that I only make things worse. All I want to do is help, but I seem to do the opposite. I wish we had just one single family member here...someone to step in and take over for me, so that Rory stops resenting me and I'm able to take care of myself.

I'm feeling very low.